inspiration

Why I started dancing with BCU Burlesque….

I’m quite a shy girl and for anyone as introverted as me…. Burlesque dancing probably seems like the last thing you’d ever consider doing.  Well… I did it and despite recent criticism for doing so, I don’t plan on quitting.

I used to enjoy dancing a long time ago… almost 7 years ago to be exact. Contemporary dance was my favourite topic in PE in school but I never had the guts to join any classes or do any shows out of fear of being the “fat one.”

I lost confidence in a lot of things once I reached GCSEs… dancing, drama, swimming etc. and all that is probably partially to blame for my dramatic five stone weight gain in the space of three months at the beginning of college.

This year, as I have mentioned several times in recent posts I began my PCOS/Hyperglycemic weightloss battle and as well as changing my eating habits, I wanted to exercise more so I decided dance would be a fun way to do that. I had heard a lot about the BCU Burlesque society in my first year and even saw some of them dance at a media event in the summer. I wanted so much to be a part of that but being a very self-conscious person… dancing in my underwear seemed a bit daunting  (and I think my old fashioned parents would have a heart attack at the thought of it).

Initially, I messaged a girl called Ella Stone to ask her about the society. I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t going to get looked down on for being on the curvy side and she was very reassuring that the group would welcome me so I went along to the first session in September and absolutely adored it.

The guys and girls were very supportive and were all about dragging that sexy alter-ego we all have somewhere inside of us to the surface. Not only has this group helped me so much in bringing my weight down, they’ve brought out a confidence in me that I didn’t even know I had (I still need to work on not looking at the floor too much as pointed out by Lene in last weeks session).

A few weeks ago I performed for the first time in front of people in the Sweet and Sinful show and despite almost slipping over on my high heels multiple times during rehearsal, I made it through the show without landing on my backside!

I even had the confidence to get photos taken on the night (which I got a great response to on Instagram and Facebook, ayyy!)

Here are some of the shots from the night with credit and a massive thank you to the very talented @csbbphotos. Search for her on Facebook and Instagram.

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I’m BODY POSITIVE but I’m still dieting….

I am all for body positivity and loving the skin that you’re in and yet I am still on a diet and working out. Must mean I secretly hate my body right? WRONG. I have bad days with my body image and so does everyone, no one can love every little thing about themselves all the time, let’s be realistic, but most of the time I’m actually okay with my curves.

Sure, I loved the days when I could fit in a size 8/10 but I’m going to be honest… my tummy wasn’t even flat back then but I was in better health. I’m not saying that a person with extra weight is unhealthy because many  people have a few extra pounds and have no problems at all. I personally have problems because of my weight and no… it’s nothing to do with my heart or blood pressure I can assure you my heart is perfectly fine.

My issue is that I am battling infertility and I need to loose weight to control my symptoms of PCOS and eventually be able to try for a baby when I am ready. I also have hyperglycemia so I am fighting against diabetes which is heriditarywith women in my family.

All of this stuff is to do with how my body works, not my appearance. To be honest, if I was perfectly capable of ovulating without losing weight I’d stay my chubby self forever because I am not a fan of diets or workouts or avoiding sweets (I used to be a bit of a chocoholic).

I just want people to see that dieting isn’t always about hating the way you look, sometimes someone has an internal battle with a part of themselves that you can’t see. Don’t just assume someone hates their appearance because they have started eating better.

On a side note – The people who think plus size models are promoting an unhealthy life and not self-love, you are wrong! They aren’t telling people they need to be like them, they are telling people to learn to love themselves even if you have a few extra pounds. Also, you tend to be the kind of people who are okay with severely underweight women walking the runway – you can be slim and unhealthy too!

My tiny weightloss will probably mean nothing to anyone else but it means the world to me…

As a woman who suffers from PCOS you are almost told from the outset that you’re going to struggle… And when I say struggle… I really mean suffer the mental torture of trying to eat right and working out and have the scales mock you by not even lowering by a single pound. Well… I was that girl until two months ago.

On the 4th of September I was told that I had the PCOS symptom of Insulin Resistance in the form of Hyperglycemia and that was what was causing me to be unable to lose weight. It was also making me very tired (as I was sugar crashing everyday, leading to mini sugar comas for 1 to 6 hours on an afternoon, everyday) and disrupting my digestive system to force it to stop working. This meant I struggled to digest food and ended off with consecutive UTIs.

As soon as I was told that I was hyperglycemic I started to change my diet to have only Low GI foods (which for me was primarily avoiding any unseeded breads, potato products and anything sugary) and continued to excersize and the weight seemed to melt away like it never had done before.

I have been on this diet just over two months and this is my progress, it won’t seem like much to some people but it’s more than I have ever been able to achieve in a long time.

PCOS Awareness 2017 – The blog post catch up!

September is PCOS awareness month and during the course of this month, I will be doing daily blog posts about different aspects of the illness. This is today’s post and I wanted to use it to link you to posts I have done in the past about it before I start writing new content. So here they are below:

Happy reading cysters. xx

‘Walt Before Mickey’ is such an important movie

Walt Before Mickey is the amazing story of Walter Disney in his journey to the character that made his company the success it is today. Mickey Mouse.

“It all started with a mouse.” – Walt Disney

I have watched and re-watched this film, over and over again on Netflix and I think it is becoming one of my favorite films of all time. I’m not just saying that because I’m a life long Disney fan. The truth is I would still love it if I wasn’t.

The story of Disney is the pursuit of a dream, a passion that you have had since childhood. He may say that it all started with a mouse but his talent started with the sketch book his aunt gave him as a child.

He wanted to run his own company which lead to failure, after failure, until his eventual success. 

This film is so inspirational because it shows that even the most successful people in the world didn’t have everything spoon fed to them. They had to work hard and pick themselves up, time and time again. They needed to make themselves stronger and better because they knew what they were meant for. 

Walt didn’t give up, so why should you?

Why you need to read these…

Over the past few months while I have been writing The Price Of Fabulous, I read books which had similar themes to the story I am trying to capture. The Price of Fabulous is my survival story but because I am normally trapped in my love of fantasy or dystopian fiction. I wasn’t sure how to capture my pain so I read other people who have told their stories and these people are so inspirational to me. I’m still fighting the aftermath of my struggle so seeing how they have come out of it is very comforting.

Here is the list of the books I have read and why they have been so important as I tell my story:

Tortured – Victoria Spry (with Kate Moore) – 2015

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Tortured is the survival story of Victoria Spry as she was raised in the sadistic arms of Britain’s evilist mum, Eurice Spry. ‘Torrie’ was adopted by Eunrice at the age of five after being in her foster care from being less than a year old. She was tortured, beaten, starved and blamed for things that couldn’t possibly be her fault… like the deaths of her sisters in a car accident.

Eunrice put Victoria and her siblings, Alloma and Christopher, through hell for 19 years before Victoria broke her silence to send her down for her crimes – even though she only ended off staying inside for 7 years of her 14 year sentence from 2007.

“Just because you’ve made mistakes, it doesn’t make you an evil person.” – Victoria Spry

This was one of the first books I read when looking for inspiration as my story starts from the abuse I had suffered through childhood too. I had my scribbles in childhood notebooks but I wanted to capture the memories from these scribbles in a way that would have an impact on my reader. I wanted to know how to turn my childhood diary into an impactful, eye-opener. This book made me see that I needed to write from the heart and focus on how the events made me feel.

I cried a lot during reading this, mainly because I identified a lot with Victoria, how the beatings would make her feel, the  guilt, the silence and more so the struggle with a series of mental health problems, leading to alcoholism.

Sickened – Julie Gregory – 2003

{9C29F11E-D802-43BC-BF66-64ACB0058A61}Img400Sickened is the story of a young girl who was repeatedly x-rayed, missing school and getting weaker in the persuit of an illness that had been created in her mother’s mind. Munchausen by Proxy (MBP) is the world’s most hidden and dangerous form of child abuse, but Julie Gregory not only survived, she escaped the powerful orbit of her mother’s madness and rebuilt her identity as a vibrant, healthy young woman:not solely a victim of child abuse.

This book is an incredible honest roller-coaster of emotion. It was incredibly eye-openining to me and enabled me to learn about a form of child abuse that I had actually never heard of prior to reading it. It is a sick kind of “love” at the hands of the victim’s narcissistic mother and a father who covertly collaborates with the systematic abuse instigated by his wife. A very hard-hitting book to read because of the onslaught of terror and rage felt by the young Julie and of the craziness of the family system. There are a few pointers as to what drove Julie’s mother to do such a hideous thing to her own child but you probably won’t feel too sorry for her.

“Well, honey, I just can’t see my little girl go out there in a bathing suit and get laughed at. You got no tits, no hips, no ass, Sissy. You look terrible in a bathing suit. Kids are cruel, sweetie, they’ll just make fun of you.” – Julie’s Mother

Although, this book was a facinating and gripping read, the only thing that I could identify with was the survival part, that is what will help me to write the end of The Price Of Fabulous.

You Can’t Run – Mandy Thomas (with Kate Moore) – 2015

CLCLudSWoAErGaq.jpgYou Can’t Run is the survival story of young Mandy, entering a relationship at the age of eighteen that turned into a violent trap that she thought she would never escape. It wasn’t long after she’d met him that she was under his spell but as these relationships always do, they loose their spark and they turn dark. She never thought she would escape him but then he went to far and she knew she would have to escape to survive.

“He would say to me, ‘You can’t stop me – no one can!’ There was no let-up from his evil. I knew he would never stop so I just had to do what I could to survive.” – Mandy Thomas

I wanted to read this book to be able to know how to capture the struggle of a domestically abusive relationship (from both a victim’s and an observer’s perspective). I am good at many things, but finding the right words to capture emotions about the things that I have been through isn’t one of them. I’ve been through a lot of sh*t. I just don’t know how to talk about it.

Valley of the Dolls – Jacqueline Susann – 1966

valley-of-the-dolls1Valley of the Dolls is the story of beautiful, young and most importantly impressionable women who are struggling at the bottom of the entertainment industry. This is their story of their journey to the top, but when they reach there, they have no where left to go, other than the valley of dolls.

It is a novel about the friendship between three women, the perils and rewards of fame, and chemical dependency. The story spans twenty years, from 1945 to 1965, and is set primarily in New York City. Anne Welles, Neely O’Hara, and Jennifer North become friends and roommates, find fame, get married and take lovers, and turn to drugs to cope with problems they encounter.

“When you’re climbing Mount Everest, nothing is easy. You just take one step at a time, never look back and always keep your eyes glued to the top.” – Jacqueline Susann

I chose to read this book because it shows young people, falling back on substance abuse when they encounter problems. It also involves chasing dreams in the entertainment industry, which resembles ‘Georgia’s’ method of survival.

Am I Normal Yet? – Holly Bourne – 2015

Am I Normal Yet? is one of the most honest books about the mind of a teenage girl I have read yet. It is the story of a girl called Evie, who only wants to be normal, after having a mental breakdown in school. She starts college and is no longer known as the-girl-who-went-nuts. Everything is going great until she realises she’s the only one who’s never been in a relationship.

26017107._UY200_Relationships probably aren’t the brightest idea for anyone with serious mental health issues as they can mess with your head. But she finds a man, and in keeping her private life… well.. private, her friends can’t stop her from making this mistake.

“Because now people use the phrase OCD to describe minor personality quirks. “Oooh, I like my pens in a line, I’m so OCD.” NO YOU’RE FUCKING NOT. “Oh my God, I was so nervous about that presentation, I literally had a panic attack.” NO YOU FUCKING DIDN’T. “I’m so hormonal today. I just feel totally bipolar.” SHUT UP, YOU IGNORANT BUMFACE.”  – Holly Bourne

I chose to take inspiration from this book as it perfectly captures the mindset ‘Georgia and Kayla’ had during their teen years in the second half of The Price of Fabulous, I wanted to know how to capture the teenage-girl mindset.

Check out this wattpad account…

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Adam Miles Christoper Bell was a friend of mine at school and soon after we left he became more active with his writing than ever before, especially on his wattpad account. He has often came to me for advice on titles and just writing in general after I recieved my publishing contract for Children of the Movement in 2014.

“I love writing stories and have been trying to write since I was 7 years old, which is when I came up with my first story idea. Ever since then I have been coming up with new ideas but have never got to writing them into an actual story. However, recently I started to get into it again and have started writing many stories. My two favorites being A World Reborn and A Demon Within.” – Adam’s Wattpad bio

Lately, his account has been gaining some heat with readers seeming to be pouring in for his novel “A World Reborn“. The novel has 4 parts so far and is still a working progress.

Synopsis and cover:

64686388-176-k456815“Nothing and no-one is safe anymore. This world is no longer our own and everyday we must hide from the dangers of the threat that now walks these lands.

Only one native dares to stand up against the Invasion. But he will not do it alone.

When the world is being taken from you, the only way to fight back is by breaking the rules, even your own personal ones. The world is being attacked by Invaders. However THESE invaders may just be a little more familiar than you may think…”

Follow @adambell97 on wattpad or like his facebook page.

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