Beauty Standards

I’m BODY POSITIVE but I’m still dieting….

I am all for body positivity and loving the skin that you’re in and yet I am still on a diet and working out. Must mean I secretly hate my body right? WRONG. I have bad days with my body image and so does everyone, no one can love every little thing about themselves all the time, let’s be realistic, but most of the time I’m actually okay with my curves.

Sure, I loved the days when I could fit in a size 8/10 but I’m going to be honest… my tummy wasn’t even flat back then but I was in better health. I’m not saying that a person with extra weight is unhealthy because many  people have a few extra pounds and have no problems at all. I personally have problems because of my weight and no… it’s nothing to do with my heart or blood pressure I can assure you my heart is perfectly fine.

My issue is that I am battling infertility and I need to loose weight to control my symptoms of PCOS and eventually be able to try for a baby when I am ready. I also have hyperglycemia so I am fighting against diabetes which is heriditarywith women in my family.

All of this stuff is to do with how my body works, not my appearance. To be honest, if I was perfectly capable of ovulating without losing weight I’d stay my chubby self forever because I am not a fan of diets or workouts or avoiding sweets (I used to be a bit of a chocoholic).

I just want people to see that dieting isn’t always about hating the way you look, sometimes someone has an internal battle with a part of themselves that you can’t see. Don’t just assume someone hates their appearance because they have started eating better.

On a side note – The people who think plus size models are promoting an unhealthy life and not self-love, you are wrong! They aren’t telling people they need to be like them, they are telling people to learn to love themselves even if you have a few extra pounds. Also, you tend to be the kind of people who are okay with severely underweight women walking the runway – you can be slim and unhealthy too!

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I will always be that chubby girl in a crop top…

I lack confidence in many things and part of me honestly believes that my anxiety will come and take away everything I love eventually. Once upon a time, I loved drama and performing arts but now if I even think about acting or dancing, my stomach feels like it rolls over. Not good.

My body is something that I have always struggled to accept but not consistently. Some days I’ll wake up with an attitude like “wow, so curvy today. Looking fine. Kylie Jenner can eat her heart out because you didn’t need to pay thousands for full lips like those.” Then I have my bad days, where I just look in the mirror and wonder why a fat mess like me is even allowed to leave the house. It is as if my body confidence issues have mood swings of their own.

People rarely see that side of me though. I only choose to let people know about my insecure days when they are so bad that I just lie in bed making myself cry. If I’m around people, I tend to make a lot of fat jokes about myself as if I think I’m beating them to it. Being told that I would struggle to lose weight because of my PCOS only seemed to make it worse as on the days where I feel less confident I feel like there’s no way of making myself feel better.

That being said… I’m currently a UK size 14 clothing and once, I was a size 8 but even back then I had a tummy. I still thought I was fat. Ridiculous, right? The thing is, if you are truly unhappy with your body image, it actually isn’t your body that’s the problem. It’s your mind. You can’t fix your body to fix your mind, that’s not how it works. If I was as unhappy with a size 8 as I am at size 14 then I won’t be happy no matter what I do. It’s sort of like being in the mind of someone who suffers from anorexia, without you actually starving yourself. You see flaws that aren’t there.

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But like I said… I have good days. Some days I can wear a tight dress and walk out of the house feeling like a queen. Recently, I purchased a tiny black cropped top to wear on a girls night out. I’m the biggest girl in my group… oops! I saw it in New Look and I fell in love. I just had to buy it.

Despite my body issues, I’ve never actually been one to buy into that whole “dress for your size” lark. I’ll wear whatever I like to, whether it’s cropped or not. Even on my insecure days.

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So, when the day came to actually wearing the cropped top, it did happen to be on one of my bad days. I was crying in bed over my weight at 2 pm but I was out slaying a cropped top and leggings by 9 pm. Talk about mood swings?

I did get a lot of mixed reactions with some people remarking about “what kind of plus-size clothing store sells cropped tops to us bigger girls” but I did get a lot of compliments which made me feel much better about my decision. A few girls said that I had a “great, curvy woman’s figure”  and someone even said they admired my confidence at being able to show the top of my tummy. Some girls (more than guys, surprisingly) complimented my breasts, I do rock the cleavage when I feel like it.

I have let my anxiety and self-image take far too much away from me, my dress sense won’t be one of them. I rocked that cropped top just as much as a rock baggy tees and sweat pants. Society needs to learn to deal with that.

See, being that chubby girl in a cropped top isn’t such a bad thing, even if all your friends have tiny waists.

Be the curve queen of your group!

 

10 Annoying Things in (MOST) PCOS Support Groups

As today marks the last day of PCOS awareness month, I thought I’d share some of my experiences with the subject… in particular, the so-called “support” network that is offered on social media platforms such as Facebook.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes support groups are just what you need and some of the groups I have been a part of on Facebook were excellent. I was once a part of various support groups after I got my diagnosis on the 14th September 2015 but earlier this summer, I left them all. So I have gathered a list of 10 annoying things that contributed to my decision to leave these groups.


1. Sales

We will have all seen sales representatives for these products on Instagram and Facebook. They have a nasty habit on praying on people with weight problems that have been caused by PCOS. I would often get messaged by people on Instagram and Facebook claiming that these products could “cure” me. Pft, the doctors can’t find a cure for this so what makes you think that you have some magical cure, found in a product that everyone is aware is a money grabbing scam?

These products won’t help you ladies, stick to clean eating, exercise and balancing those hormones.

2. Contradictory Encouragement

This one did seriously grind my gears. Everyone in those groups are fighting the same battle and most women do struggle to stick to clean eating without the right kind of support network. This is why I didn’t understand why when people are trying to gather the strength to resist their hormonal cravings for sugary foods did some people encourage them to cheat on their diet? They do realise the cravings get worse when you give in to temptation, right?

3. The Admins That Were “Above-All-Others”

One of the biggest PCOS support groups I was a member of has this issue. Their admins had gained a high Facebook, Twitter and Instagram following which led them to dictate over everything – some women had their Diet Bet posts removed just because the admins wanted everyone to bet with them. Then they had the nerve to call the people who had their posts removed ‘childish’. HAHA! OKAY! I DIDN’T REALISE YOU LADIES ARE QUEEN OF THE OVARIES!

4. Your Story Is Not About You Anymore!

You get this from people in everyday life but I thought I’d throw this in the list anyways. You could write a huge post describing your diagnosis and your struggle and I can guarantee some one will come along and compete with you on a level of how hard your struggle is. Come on ladies, everyone’s symptoms are different.

5. Everyone is SO HORMONAL!

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Mood swings. All girls have them but ironically our high levels of male hormones seem to make us more emotionally unstable… so… we set each other off when we get our knickers in a twist. Too many arguments when you’re getting advised by doctors who don’t know what they are talking about, that you need to relax more to be able to have a period. Am I right?

6. Stupid Advice

There had been several occasions where I have been given the same advice for pretty much everything I asked in the group. My personal favourites are:

“Get yourself to A&E straight away!”

“Take a pregnancy test!”

Going to A&E over cramps… They’d laugh in my face.

As for taking a pregnancy test… I don’t produce eggs so I’d love to know where this baby is going to sprout from.

7. Your Symptoms Are Wrong!

PCOS can be a very difficult thing to get your head around and their are many symptoms to look out for such as:

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I have many of these symptoms but not all of them. As different women have different hormone levels their symptoms vary. Different women can have a different ‘cocktail’ of symptoms but many women in these groups don’t accept this and  claim your symptoms have nothing to do with PCOS when they really do.

There is also a lot of suggestions for vitamins, supplements and prescribed medication but always check with your GP and Gynaecologist because although these treatments might work for one person, they might not necessarily work for you.

8. They Will Bring You Down!

This isn’t all the women in the groups but I had seen a few women who would bring people down because they aren’t as collected and in control of their symptoms as others. It will make you feel weak and useless (and will definitely belittle your femininity).

So much for the “support and positivity” right?

9. Self-Love Posts

On occasions these are great – especially the no make-up ones but when people say that the ‘no make-up selfie’ posts are shaming women who wear make-up… it gets a bit annoying.

10. Jealousy

The groups are full of it and sometimes it’s so bad that women with success stories, such as pregnancies are asked not to post about them in the group because it ‘upsets other women’. I’d understand them being upset if it was a woman with perfectly functioning ovaries getting pregnant but these are women going through the same battle as us. Surely this is hope for the rest of us that should be celebrated? Right?


Anyway, that’s my rant over but I will leave links to the groups I found the most helpful below.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/165471893828128/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/485179391668144/

5 Reasons Why I Don’t Understand People

1. So many people complain about people acting all big and tough on social media rather than expressing their opinions to someone’s face… Yet we live in a generation who idolises celebrities that have Twitter beef here there and everywhere.

2. You’ve seriously failed as a parent if you put makeup on your little girl before you take her places, why would you want to make your daughter think she’s not pretty the way she is? 

3. I don’t understand people who think breastfeeding is disgusting. It’s a natural thing. I didn’t spend years developing breasts to please men. Nature helped me develop them to allow me to bring health to my future children. I didn’t go through the back and chest pains to be diminished as disgusting when I have children. It’s not right that people who breast feed have to be made to feel humiliated by a misogynistic society who see breasts as a sexualised feature. When I have children I won’t care about society I will breast feed to bring health to my babies and if society doesn’t like it society shouldn’t look.

4. The things shop keepers ask. They ask me if I’m “alright there” rather than asking for the next customer and it’s polite but you know that if you actually told them about how you were they’d think you were crazy for giving them your life story and we’ve all seen Kieran Luckman’s video about them haven’t we? “Do I want a bag?!”

5.So you’re in a relationship and your partner likes another persons photo (more often than not its girls posting about their boyfriends doing this but it can work for any couple) and you choose to write some status ranting on about how it’s “not right” to like someone else’s photo when in a relationship, I see this as a bit controlling. Most people’s self esteem comes from likes of photos these days and if they like their friends photo it doesn’t mean there’s something going on it just means they want to make a friend feel good about themselves. Can we just have less of this controlling attitude because I can’t understand why it’s even an issue?