As Mental Health Awareness Day is coming to a close I would just like to say a few quick things before the day ends…

  1. Look beyond someones smile – Anyone can wear a brave face and a fake smile, none better than those who have suffered without help for a long time. They’ve had the most practice – sometimes it those overly happy people who end off being the most broken. They just smile out of fear that if their smile fades, the tears will start again.
  2. Look for their unique voice – someone with a mental health problem may not be able to speak out about it using their voice so read what they write, look at what they draw, listen to the lyrics… if you pay close attention to someones art, you will know them a lot better.
  3. Remember everyone has anxiety – EVERYONE! It’s a natural instinct that enables us to survive in dangerous situations, some people’s are just more distinctive than others.
  4. Focus on the right body parts – Yep, that’s why the boob joke was in the title but that’s not what I mean. You can tell a lot from a person by certain parts of their body like… bitten finger nails or ripped skin on hands etc could be a sign of dermatillomania.
  5. Focus on what someone wears – You can actually tell a lot about someone from their clothing habits (not all the time but it’s still there). People with eating disorders such as anorexia are known to cover thier weightloss by wearing baggy clothing in the same way self harmers will cover their cuts and scars by covering up as much as possible.
  6. Not everyone who cuts wants to die – Some people use it as a form of control or power. They see it as a way of proving that no one can hurt them as much as they can hurt themselves.
  7. Councilling and medications don’t work on everyone – As someone who has tried a lot of types of antidepressant and therapy and had it all fail… trust me it’s worth a shot but don’t worry if they don’t work, theirs other ways.
  8. People who have an addiction need help – People with addictive personalities need help. Don’t sit there and tell smokers they can get help to quit but tell a drug addict they are the scum of the earth! They need help too!
  9. Relapses happen – Life is a rollercoaster… you will have your ups and downs and those topsy turvy moments when you dont know what to feel but if you made it out once, you can do it again!



My fur baby has anxiety…

Recently, my family went to adopt a dog from Cleadon Kennels in Sunderland and we came home with a beautiful, young husky called Shadow. He has anxiety.

Shadow is a really loving dog and he loves cuddles and teddy bears but he’s a very delicate soul. We were told that he had severe seperation anxiety when we took him home and it’s been so bad that he had three homes previous to ours. 

At his previous homes he had been left alone, beaten and attacked by a cat. He now gets nervous in closed off spaces, you can’t pat him (only stroke him) and if he is left on his own he cries and tears up carpets and furniture. 

He does occasionally have a whine when someone leaves the house but he comes to me and let’s me scratch being his ears. I found out that calmed him down shortly after we got him home. 

He was so nervous when he arrived but I was the first one he had warmed to. He came beside me and I scratched behind his ears until he fell asleep. 

I’m so happy to be part of his forever home. I love him.

It takes him a lot to warm up to a person but when he does he’s playful and sweet. He hasn’t been in our lives very long but he is already my best friend.

The Silent Killers – Suffering From Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety is feeling like your friends don’t like you when you haven’t seen them for a while.

Depression is not going out when you have the choice to because you can’t face getting out of bed.

Anxiety is getting angry and frustrated when having to interact with others.

Depression is the crash after a good day when the darkness in your mind decides to come back.

Anxiety is the bad stomach you get when your scared of something that makes you sweat and vomit even when you aren’t ill.

Depression is being unable to stop crying until you become so dehydrated that you have a migraine.

Anxiety is the stammer that keeps you quiet when you need to talk to people.

Depression is the damage on the inside that makes you damage the outside.

Both are the negative voices that speak evil words making you feel unwanted.

This is how it is for me anyway… everyone who suffers is different. 

But everyone is wanted…

It’s just hard to listen to the positive voices when the evil ones keep screaming. 


The noise…

Having anxiety is hard enough but having an exceptional memory to go with it is even harder.

Learning to shut out memories is difficult and every bad one becomes a part of the noise in your mind, a noise that no amount of external sound can drown out.

Every name you’ve ever been called.

Every heartbreak or feeling of loss.

Every traumatic event.

Everything bad thats ever been talked about you.


NONE OF THIS STUFF GOES AWAY. Not with out help. And that is exactly what people like me need to find, help.


I have OCD – Living With Dermatillomania

Dermatillomania. I can guarantee you have never heard of this. I didn’t until I was diagnosed.

“Dermatillomania is a condition where a person feels compelled to pick at their skin, to the point where it causes visible wounds.

It is an impulse-control disorder – a psychological condition where the person is unable to stop themselves carrying out a particular action.”


Dermatillomania is a very difficult thing to live with. I have lived like this since I was a child, without being officially diagnosed until I was 19 as my parents just dismissed it as a bad habit because they had never heard of the disorder.

The disorder is known to begin for various reasons but it is regarded as a form of OCD and self-harm. Tips for quitting include occupying your hands with something else and/or wearing gloves.

I have attempted this but I have come to realise that sometimes I don’t notice I’m doing it and if  I do resist my urges it makes me do it worse later, which as you can imagine, causes more damage.

I have been recommended therapy and antidepressants but the pills made me high and therapy is hard to get when you are living between two cities that are far apart so I guess it will have to wait until University is over.

I was incredibly ashamed of my hand before my diagnosis because I never understood why I couldn’t stop. I used to lie to people about what happened too. It was hard to grasp that I needed serious help.

The scarring makes me feel ugly. I feel like no one would want to hold my hand because they are disgracefully scarred.

I just thank God it’s not on my feet anymore. When I was a kid I used to do it to my feet to the point where it made it painful to walk.  Awful.


This is a little disappointing but I hope you understand…

As you all know, in exactly 2 weeks time I had my heart set on releasing my new novel: The Price Of Fabulous…

This is now going to be postponed until later this year. I am going to explain the reasons why, let’s just hope you can understand them.

The book is in the finishing stages and is on track for release but unfortunately I have had a dramatic relapse in mental health with regards to my anxiety and depression through personal events that were unforeseen until I came home from finishing my first year at BCU.

The reason why I want to postpone the release is because I don’t feel like I am well enough to do my best promotional work while I seek the medical attention I require.

I also have become more aware that I have slacked off with my blogging so I will do the best I can to pick it back up again and hopefully I will have a new release date for you soon.

Thank you! 


My Fear Of Addiction – Living with an Addictive Personality

Addictive personalities are very real things. They come with many forms of mental health problems as a way of coping with the effects of illnesses.

I have one but I’m scared of becoming an ‘addict’. This fear is what wakes me up from becoming it whenever I get close. 

I am well aware that it partners itself with my depression as I resort to alcohol and cigarettes as means of making myself feel better. As soon as I start to feel like I rely on them I make sure I pull myself out of it. 

What if one day I don’t? 

Plenty of people out there with addictive personalities become addicts whether that’s cigarettes, drugs or alcohol.  And it’s a dangerous game. I never want to be at the point where I’m not mentally capable to stop.

The reason why I’m writing this is because people need to realise that addicts NEED HELP. They have probably pulled themselves away many times before but sometimes it takes one thing to break people down and make them incapable of pulling themselves away from self destruction.